You're kinda, sorta, basically, pretty much always on my mind. -- psacake.com

Ovah heya is the bah..

Why do we continue to re-elect big Teddy?

In the debates regarding Judge Alito fat Teddy has the sack to question the nominee's truthfulness, suggesting a "credibility gap."

Hello?

And then there is the junior senator from this fine state.. Mr. Kerry.. Let's see if someone else has the guts start the filibuster so I can follow along and take the credit, or if not, then I can say, "Gee, I wanted to filibuster...but...oh well."

Good lord.. where do we find these guys?!

What??

Last Wednesday, there was an article in the Boston Globe regarding the robbery in a Weymouth gun store. They made off with "numerous" hand guns and a shotgun, and 10 boxes of ammunition.

A spokesman from the ATF said "The guns may now be in the hands of potential criminals."

WHAT?

Potential criminals? How could that be? You mean the people that stole the guns are not Federally licensed dealers? And they won't file the paperwork with the Feds when they sell to someone?

Time to move?

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 1/30/2006

Too Dumb To Be A Criminal

An UNMASKED Milan, Italy, bank robber held up the bank branch where he did his banking, and was thus recognized. But wait! There�s more! He fled the bank with about $8,500 but lost it all when he was mugged. But wait! There�s more! He was injured when a car hit him. If he kept trying to get away, he may have killed himself!

Ready... set.... go!

The city of Bangkok, which is notorious for traffic jams, has decided to install timers at busy intersections to let motorists know how long they have to wait for a green light. Apparently the timers were installed to help drivers calm down who may have been waiting at a red light for a long time.

Ejumakashun

"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. president

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
- Britney Spears, Pop Singer

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President

"We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

"We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work.)"
- Sign on door of repair shop

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 1/24/2006

New Years Resolutions

Received via email, but a good place to start right?!

New Year's Eve has always been a time for looking back to the past, and more importantly, forward to the coming year. It's a time to reflect on the changes we want (or need) to make and resolve to follow through on those changes. Did your New Year resolutions make our top ten list?
1) Spend More Time with Family & Friends
Recent polls conducted by General Nutrition Centers, Quicken, and others shows that more than 50% of Americans vow to appreciate loved ones and spend more time with family and friends this year.
2) Fit in Fitness
The evidence is in for fitness. Regular exercise has been associated with more health benefits than anything else known to man. Studies show that it reduces the risk of some cancers, increases longevity, helps achieve and maintain weight loss, enhances mood, lowers blood pressure, and even improves arthritis. In short, exercise keeps you healthy and makes you look and feel better.
3) Tame the Bulge
Fifty-five percent of adults in America are overweight, so it is not surprising to find that weight loss is one of the most popular New Year's resolutions. Setting reasonable goals and staying focused are the two most important factors in sticking with a weight loss program, and the key to success for those millions of Americans who made a New Year's commitment to shed extra pounds.
4) Quit Smoking
If you have resolved to make this the year that you stamp out your smoking habit, over-the-counter availability of nicotine replacement therapy now provides easier access to proven quit-smoking aids. Even if you've tried to quit before and failed, don't let it get you down. On average, smokers try about four times before they quit for good. Start enjoying the rest of your smoke-free life!
5) Enjoy Life More
Given the hectic, stressful lifestyles of millions of Americans, it is no wonder that "enjoying life more" has become a popular resolution in recent years.
6) Quit Drinking
While many people use the New Year as an incentive to finally stop drinking, most are not equipped to make such a drastic lifestyle change all at once. Many heavy drinkers fail to quit cold turkey but do much better when they taper gradually, or even learn to moderate their drinking. If you have decided that you want to stop drinking, there is a world of help and support available.
7) Get Out of Debt
Was money a big source of stress in your life last year? Join the millions of Americans who have resolved to spend this year getting a handle on their finances. It's a promise that will repay itself many times over in the year ahead.
8) Learn Something New
Have you vowed to make this year the year to learn something new? Perhaps you are considering a career change, want to learn a new language, or just how to fix your computer? Whether you take a course or read a book, you'll find education to be one of the easiest, most motivating New Year's resolutions to keep. Challenge your mind in the coming year, and your horizons will expand.
9) Help Others
A popular, non-selfish New Year's resolution, volunteerism can take many forms. Whether you choose to spend time helping out at your local library, mentoring a child, or building a house, these nonprofit volunteer organizations could really use your help.
10) Get Organized
On just about every New Year resolution top ten list, organization can be a very reasonable goal. Whether you want your home organized enough that you can invite someone over on a whim, or your office organized enough that you can find the stapler when you need it, these tips and links should get you started on the way to a more organized life.

I've got 4, 6 pretty much covered, the rest.. attainable I think.

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 1/3/2006

Will the Feds Bust Santa Claus?

When Santa Claus comes to town this week, he'd better watch out -- because the federal government may be making a list of his crimes (and checking it twice), the Libertarian Party warned today.

"Hark the federal agents sing, Santa is guilty of nearly everything," said Libertarian Party press secretary George Getz. "The feds know when Santa's been bad or good -- and he's been bad, for goodness sakes."

Does Santa belong in the slammer? Instead of stuffing stockings, should he be making license plates?

Yes, said Getz, if he's held to the same standards as a typical American.
For example:

* Every December 25, the illegal immigrant known as Santa Claus crosses the border into the United States without a passport. He carries concealed contraband, which he sneaks into the country in order to avoid inspection by the U.S. Customs Service. And just what's in all those brightly colored packages tied up with ribbons, anyway? The Drug Czar and Homeland Security want to know.

* Look at how this international fugitive gets around: Santa flies in a custom-built sleigh that hasn't been approved by the FAA. He never files a flight plan. He has no pilot's license. In the dark of night, he rides the skies with just a tiny bioluminescent red light to guide him -- a clear violation of traffic safety regulations.

* Pulling Santa's sleigh: Eight tiny reindeer, a federally protected species being put to hard labor. None of these reindeer have their required shots, and Santa's never bothered to get these genetically- engineered animals registered and licensed. It's no wonder: He keeps them penned outside his workplace in a clear violation of zoning laws.

* But Crooked Claus the Conniving Capitalist harms more than just animals -- he's hurting hard-working American laborers, too. Isn't Santa's Workshop really Santa's Sweatshop, where his non-union employees don't make minimum wage and get no holiday pay? Add the fact that OSHA has never inspected the place, and you have a Third-World elf-exploitation operation that only Kathy Lee Gifford could love.

* No wonder Santa is able to maintain his monopoly over the toy distribution industry: He's cornered the Christmas gift market. Santa dares to give away his products for free in a sinister attempt to crush all competition -- just like Microsoft's Internet Explorer. Antitrust Lawsuit Memo to the feds: Is Santa Claus the Bill Gates of Christmas?

The bottom line, said Getz: "It might be tough sledding for Jolly St. Nick this Christmas if the government decides to prosecute him.

"We're just surprised it hasn't already happened. After all, Santa Claus is everything that politicians aren't: He's popular, reliable, and gives us something for nothing every December 25th -- instead of taking our money every April 15th."

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 12/22/2005

Are we that dumb?

Why does the media treat us like we don't have a window? Or go outside?

WE ARE LIVE with Storm Track Coverage
IT'S SNOWING
and WE ARE LIVE
here is a LIVE shot of the snow
here is a LIVE shot of a snowplow.. see the pretty flashing yellow light?
WE ARE LIVE
BREAKING NEWS
IT'S SNOWING
WE ARE LIVE
here are some LIVE shots from the coast
high tide is not for another 12 hours, but we'll bring it to you LIVE when it happens
LIVE footage now from the North Shore
WE ARE LIVE
Let's have a look at the Doppler Radar
It's snowing!
WE ARE LIVE
Let's get another LIVE shot of the snow falling and the dumbasses driving.

The Xtreme Team.. LIVE STORMTRACK Coverage. The most COMPLETE Coverage.. We are live.. Now lets go live to see if the sidewalk has been shoveled yet.

Here is another LIVE shot.. send us your pictures of it snowing because we have the most COMPLETE coverage.

It's snow people.. It's December, it's New England.. snow happens in December in New England.

WE ARE LIVE

oh.. and stop driving like a dumbass

WE ARE LIVE

What They Said:

enevi says ahead of your time on 12/11/2005
BBS says Argh... on 12/12/2005
2 freekin hours to go 7 miles on Friday afternoon!
BTW Dillholes BMWs were not designed for driving like you normally do (like idiots) when there is snow on the ground. I also have one further piece of advice for all of you out there driving rear wheel drive cars (and trucks) GET SOME SNOW TIRES!!!!!

2 Comments | Perm-a-link | 12/9/2005

Randomness

A master's degree may make you educated, but it doesn't make you smart.

It would be funny if Clark Kent got contacts, and then, like, everyone knows.

There are approximately ten million bricks in the Empire State Building.

The Bank of Vernal, in Vernal, Utah (where else?) is the only bank in the world that was built from bricks sent through the mail. Way back in 1919 the builders realized that it was cheaper to send the bricks through the United States Postal System (seven bricks to a package) than to have them shipped commercially from Salt Lake City.

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 12/8/2005

Where is the outrage?

It has been a while since I've read such a pathetic anti-gun column as this one. From the business section of the Boston Globe, comes this hyperbole-laden, Chicken Little-inspired, "The Sky is Falling" piece of blather from Globe columnist, Steve Bailey. You can almost taste the irrationality, fear and hatred in his words.

Live fee and die

Yes, folks, according to this enlightened "progressive" thinker, freedom now equals death. I was woefully unaware of that until now - must have missed the memo. Thank you, Mr. Bailey for duly enlightening me as to this stunning new development.

Thirty thousand people a year -- 82 a day -- are killed by guns every year in this country.

232 people die each day from alcohol abuse, yet ANYBODY can purchase alcohol
1191 people die each day from tobacco, which is even easier to get than alcohol
1095 people die each day from poor diet and lack of exercise
117 people die each day in car accidents and lord know's we'll give anybody a license
178 people die each day from the FLU
136 people die each day from Alzheimer's
85 people die each day from Septicemia
2566 people die each day from Major Cardiovasular Diseases

Where is the outrage?

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 12/2/2005

Muphy's Friends Part II

First Law of Expert Advice: Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut.

First Law of Laboratory Work: Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.

First Rule of Superior Inferiority: Don't let your superiors know you're better than they are.

Frisch's Law: You cannot have a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

Fudd's First Law of Opposition: If you push something hard enough, it will fall over. Tesler's Deviant to Fudd's Law: It goes in -- it must come out.

Gerrold's Law: A little ignorance can go a long way.

Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics: 1. An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction. 2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. 3. The energy required to change either one of the states will always be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task totally impossible.

Gibb's Law: Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.

Ginsberg's Theorem (Generalized Laws of Thermodynamics): 1. You can't win. 2. You can't break even. 3. You can't even quit the game. Ehrman's Commentary on Ginsberg's Theorem: 1. Things will get worse before they get better. 2. Who said things would get better? Freeman's Commentary on Ginsberg's Theorem: Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To wit: 1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. 2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even. 3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.

Glaser's Law: If it says �one size fits all,� it doesn't fit anyone.

Glyme's Formula for Success: The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.

Green's Law of Debate: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Haldane's Law: The Universe is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we CAN imagine.

Harris' Lament: All the good ones are taken.

Hart's Law: In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything.

Hellrung's Law: If you wait, it will go away. Shevelson's Extension: ... having done its damage. Grelb's Addition: ... if it was bad, it will be back.

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 11/25/2005

VD