You're kinda, sorta, basically, pretty much always on my mind. -- psacake.com

Why?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 11/4/2005

Some of Murphy's Friends

Agnes Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

Army Laws: If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't move, pick it up. If you can't pick it up, paint it.

Barth's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery: The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success.

Baruch's Rule for Determining Old Age: Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.

Basic Law of Construction: Cut it large and kick it into place.

Becker's Law: It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.

Benchley's Law: Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.

Berra's Law: You can observe a lot just by watching.

Bicycle Law: All bicycles weigh 50 pounds: A 30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain. A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-pound lock and chain. A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock or chain.

Boling's Postulate: If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy: 1. When in doubt, mumble. 2. When in trouble, delegate. 3. When in charge, ponder.

Borstelmann's Rule: If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

Bralek's Rule for Success: Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you do when things go wrong.

Brien's First Law: At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.

Cannon's Comment: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool MOM.

Cardinal Conundrum: An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.

Character and Appearance Law: People don't change; they only become more so.

Clarke's Law of Revolutionary Ideas: Every revolutionary idea -- in Science, Politics, Art or Whatever -- evokes three stages of reaction. They may be summed up by the three phrases: 1. �It is completely impossible -- don't waste my time.� 2. �It is possible, but it is not worth doing.� 3. �I said it was a good idea all along.�

Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Cleveland's Highway Law: Highways in the worst need of repair naturally have low traffic counts, which results in low priority for repair work.

Clyde's Law: If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.

Cohen's Law of Wisdom: Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.

Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

Colvard's Logical Premise: All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen, or it won't.

Commoner's Three Laws of Ecology: 1. No action is without side-effects. 2. Nothing ever goes away. 3. There is no free lunch.

Dieter's Law: The food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.

Displaced Hassle Principle: To beat the bureaucracy, make your problem their problem.

Ducharm's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough, you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

Dykstra's Law: Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Edelstein's Advice: Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.

Ehrlich's Rule: The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Ettorre's Observation: The other line moves faster. Corollary: Don't try to change lines. The other line -- the one you were in originally -- will then move faster.

Farber's Third Law: We're all going down the same road in different directions

Finagle's Laws of Information: 1. The information you have is not what you want. 2. The information you want is not what you need. 3. The information you need is not what you can obtain. 4. The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.

Finnigan's Law: The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 10/26/2005

4,733,538

9 Years - or -
468 Weeks - or -
3,285 Days - or -
78,892 Hours - or -
4,733,538 Minutes
ago.. my life changed forever.

Feels like it was yesterday.

Happy Birthday Conor!

What They Said:

Unkie Todd says Second that! on 10/17/2005
Yes I second that! How many hockey balls you lose?

1 Comments | Perm-a-link | 10/16/2005

Best Red Sox Quote

The best Red Sox quote in the news

Wait 'till last year!

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 10/8/2005

Random Randomness

It's not very often that the ol' hometown makes the news.. but it did the other day. For what you ask? Excellent question. It's a phrase that's been around for years. But some people in Medway think it's too vulgar to appear on the back of a septic company's trucks.

Shit Happens

Statement of fact I suppose. News worthy? [CBS4 Boston]

Red Sox. Feh.

Bruins. Feh.

New York Named in Terror Threat Against Subways. - New York Offcials are in a dither.. The Feds.. not so much. Trust the authorities, they'll protect you... oh wait...

I'd like to suggest a book. Quick read.. you might even learn something.

This just in.. a good diet and excercise reduces your risk of stroke.

We know that no medicine is for everyone. The most common side effects are headache, facial flushing, and upset stomach. Less common are bluish or blurred vision, or being sensitive to light. These may occur for a short time.

Thank you.. that is all.

What They Said:

BBS says HA on 10/8/2005
Buncha A$$holes...

1 Comments | Perm-a-link | 10/6/2005

Going to Florida?

I saw the following ad in the Boston Globe this weekend, and I'm sure it's been all around the country warning people to be carefull when they travel to Florida.

Think about it....it really is brilliant. Anti-gunners are warning tourists to mind their manners in Florida. How is this a bad thing? "Don't argue with the locals." What they really should say is, "Just because you are on vacation in our state doesn't give you the right to act like an ass and be rude. Please treat us with respect and we will have no problems treating you with respect and helping you spend your money down here." Of course we all know that you still have to meet the rules of imminient threat, so this thing really only changes the attitude of self-defense. No one can make those rediculous claims that some Floridian is going to get sued or thrown in jail for a legit shoot. Floridians don't have to fear the justice system more than defending their own life from a legitimate threat.

Seriously, they are proving that an armed society is a polite society.

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 10/3/2005

Things you learn in College

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.

He responded by asking her how she was doing in school.
Taken back, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"

She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus, college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."

Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1 .0 off your 4.0 GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair! I have worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 9/15/2005

Cindy Sealed The Deal. I'm Now A Republican

"I actually felt myself become a republican today. It was around 10am, when I read the latest update of the Cindy Sheehan saga in CNN.com. I then shot over to read some blogs about it, and perused the comments in some of them, which was nothing but a long series of petty (albeit entertaining) partisan bickering.
Then it happend. The good little democrat in me tied the little noose around his neck and jumped off the stool. He just couldn�t take it anymore.

Take what? The whining. The constant whining by the extreme left about the reasons for war, the incompetence of this administration, and how we�ve all been lied to, and how we should pull out of Iraq immediately, because, *gulp* our soldiers were in danger.

Guess what folks�.they signed up to join the Army, not the boy scouts. Anytime your orientation to a new job involves an automatic weapon, you should be smart enough to figure out there�s danger involved. I actually read some people�s comments about many of the soldiers over there being naive�.they weren�t expecting to go to war, so, they should be allowed to go home. Wow.

Soldiers know, when they enlist, that it is entirely possible they will be shipped out and never come home. It�s part of the job. The fact that people still walk in to recruiters� offices and sign that piece of paper make them heroes. To imply that they are simple kids who didn�t know what they were getting into, or even worse, that they died for no reason, or an immoral reason, does a horrible thing. It strips their sacrifice of the honor that it deserves. Even though those folks sitting out there in the Texas fields claim to honor and support the soldiers, they obviously have been blinded by their own selfishness as to the real way to support them."

Via MassRight

What They Said:

RantUser says My question to you is on 11/20/2005
When did you last thank a soldier for protecting your freedom of speech? As a wife of a soldier, reading those words hurt- yes he knew, yes I knew when I enlisted- but until you've been in the recruiters office (pre 9/11) and have had him tell you, "No, this MOS is a TDA slot, which means you are non- deployable," and actually believe him....yeah. Anyhow, I don't know you, probably never will, but accidently came across this and had to comment...

1 Comments | Perm-a-link | 9/9/2005

Compare and Contrast

Welcome to our state, please help keep it special
By KEITH MURPHY New Hampshire Union Leader
Guest Commentary

DEAR NEW neighbor,
Welcome to New Hampshire. You have made a tremendous decision in moving to this state, this hidden jewel. It is a not a decision you will regret.

New Hampshire's crime rate is consistently ranked among the lowest in the United States, while the per capita income is among the highest. For two years in a row, New Hampshire has been recognized for having the highest quality of life in the nation, as well as for being the healthiest state in which to raise a family. For a small state, New Hampshire's terrain is amazingly diverse. From the tallest peak in the Northeast to the shores of the Atlantic to idyllic New England towns, you will be stunned at the sights you will see and the experiences that await you. New Hampshire is as America was, and we welcome you.

In adopting New Hampshire as your home, you have adopted a sacred duty: to keep it the special and unique place that brought you here. To do this, you must understand why New Hampshire remains the fastest growing state in the Northeast while our neighbors struggle with social and economic instability.

The key to New Hampshire's high quality of life is that our government is small. Our citizens have wisely avoided a general sales or income tax, starving our government of the main sources of funds that have created bloated, ravenous bureaucracies in other states.

We know that the proper purpose of government is to protect people from each other, not to run a giant charity operation. Even if it were moral to take money from people and give it to others, government is inefficient at it anyway, and taking care of the needy is too important not to leave to voluntary church and community groups.

New Hampshire's tiny government, small tax rates, and high incomes and quality of life must seem a contradiction to people in other states. The truth is that because our government transfers less money to the needy, we're more likely to help our family members and neighbors in private ways, without a tax agency getting involved.

Most of our legislators still respect our inherent rights as a free people, rights that have been declared archaic and legislated away in other states. In New Hampshire, we are still free to carry a firearm in public if we choose. Again, this fact combined with our minuscule crime rate must strike people from elsewhere as a contradiction. The truth is that because we are free to carry firearms, criminals live in fear of us and not the other way around.

We are free to not wear a seatbelt, or to not wear a motorcycle helmet. Most of us do these things anyway, given that it is good common sense, but we recognize that legislating common sense is a dangerous slippery slope we don't want to approach. We are happy to make our own decisions as adults, and to let our neighbors make theirs, knowing that each of us must live with the consequences of our decisions.

In short, it is because we are still free that we are so successful as a state. We ask no more of our neighbors than absolutely necessary, and when it cannot be avoided we keep the decision-making as local as possible. Thus, whereas most of the "local" decisions nationally are made by counties or regional authorities, we in New Hampshire still prefer to do nearly everything at the town level.

If a native should give you a sideways glance upon learning of your foreign origin, please understand it is because many thousands of people have been drawn here by our freedoms and the resulting opportunities. So many of these people fail to realize what makes New Hampshire such a great state, and upon arrival they set about voting for bigger and bigger government. The tragedy is that they could unwittingly change New Hampshire into the place from which they've just escaped. This year's cigarette tax increase and law mandating bicycle helmet use for children are just the latest holes in the dike.

Please, now that you know what makes your new home so special and unique, help keep it that way. Vote for candidates and policies that will result in smaller, less intrusive government.

"Live free or die." Welcome home.

meanwhile...
A task force formed by Massachusetts mayors wants the state to consider boosting excise tax rates on cars and city taxes on restaurant meals, and moving thousands of municipal retirees to Medicare, according to the group's draft report.

So.. tell me... when was the last time anything good came out of a "task force" formed by Massachusetts politicians?

What They Said:

The Wife says Ready to Move? on 9/5/2005
Sounds like the place for us! I'll be ready in June.

1 Comments | Perm-a-link | 9/2/2005

Happy Birthday Dad

Happy Birthday Pops.. hope you had a great day.

Random stuff

Foodie H's musings

I'm in luck because it would take more than 395 cans of Pepsi to ingest enough caffeine to kill me. How much of your favorite beverage can you drink before suffering death by caffeine?

A table of gas prices from around the world. A gallon of gas in Amsterdam is $6.48 while it's only $0.12 in Venezuela. It's always so weird to see these types of lists where the US has more in common with Third World and non-democratic countries than with Europe, Japan, etc.

What They Said:

LBF says Drinks.. on 8/23/2005
BBS says EEGADS! on 8/26/2005
Did you look at the caffine db on that site?
Starbucks coffee is like crack to people because it it like CRACK!
Starbucks Tall Coffee 12oz 375 mg caffine or 31.25 mg/oz roughly 2 times stronget than anything else on that list

2 Comments | Perm-a-link | 8/22/2005