Nov
3
2004
It's Gore!
7It's Gore!
CBS Declares Former Veep Surprise Winner
Election Night 2004 served up one of the biggest surprises in American political history as CBS News declared former Vice President Al Gore the winner shortly after 10:00 PM.
The network's decision to call the election for Mr. Gore was particularly surprising, political insiders said, because the former vice president had not run for election this year, nor had his name appeared on any of the states' ballots.
Perhaps in part because of the stunning nature of the election's outcome, veteran anchor Dan Rather said that before he went live with the results, "I was as nervous as a hippo taking a walk on a frozen pond on a sunny day."
CBS had been prepared to declare Mr. Gore the winner as early as 4:00 in the afternoon, but Mr. Rather, haunted by the memory of missteps during the network's election coverage in 2000, insisted that the network double-check the numbers first.
"If we don't get this right, I'm going to be hotter than my Aunt Maisie's gumbo in July," Mr. Rather reportedly told his producer.
Satisfied that the network's calculations were air-tight, Mr. Rather appeared on the air at 10:03 PM announcing, simply, "It's Gore."
Moments later, Mr. Rather placed a congratulatory phone call to the former vice president, who seemed taken aback by the news.
"Dan, if this is your idea of a prank, all I can say is, 'real mature,'" Mr. Gore said before abruptly hanging up.
"Thank you, Mr. President," Mr. Rather replied.
Elsewhere, amid extraordinarily high voter turnout, a Republican poll worker in Florida said that people were casting ballots faster than he could tear them up.
[Borowitz Report]
What They Said:
BBS says Oh Man on 11/3/2004
Equally Puzzled says Huh? on 11/3/2004
LBF says Not sure on 11/3/2004
A Happy Conservative says the wife on 11/3/2004
ENevi says Draft and link on 11/3/2004
BBS Again says Sources on 11/3/2004
The People says So Be It on 11/4/2004
The people have spoken. Winston Churchill once said: "In a Democracy, people get the kind of government they deserve." So be it.
7 Comments | Perm-a-link | 11/3/2004
