You're kinda, sorta, basically, pretty much always on my mind. -- psacake.com

Flip Flopping May Have Injured Kerry's Shoulder

Doctor Advises Senator Not to Change Positions for Two Weeks
With Senator John F. Kerry (D-Mass) set for shoulder surgery in Boston today, an orthopedic surgeon familiar with the Senator�s condition said that Mr. Kerry�s penchant for flip-flopping may have caused the injury to his shoulder.

�Constant or repetitive flip-flopping can cause major orthopedic damage,� said Dr. Robert Claman of Massachusetts General Hospital. �If it goes unchecked, flip-flopping can injure a shoulder far more seriously than tennis or golf.�

Dr. Claman said that Mr. Kerry first felt a nagging pain in the tendon of his shoulder at the outset of his quest for the Democratic nomination, when he started flip-flopping on his vote to authorize military action in Iraq.

�At first he started favoring his right shoulder, but as [Former Vermont Governor] Howard Dean started gaining in the polls, he started favoring the left,� Dr. Claman said.

The orthopedic specialist added that once the surgery is completed, he would strongly urge Mr. Kerry not to change his positions for the next two weeks to give the damaged tendon time to heal.

�I told him that if he goes out there and starts flip-flopping on gay marriage or taxes, he�s going to wind up right back on the operating table,� Dr. Claman said. �He agreed with me at first, then disagreed, but then agreed with me again.�

In other news, the French lawyer who is defending Saddam Hussein said today that he was actively seeking the lone Tyco holdout juror to sit on the Iraqi madman's jury.

[BorowitzReport.Com]

What They Said:

BBS says Busted on 4/9/2004
enevi says nice on 4/20/2004
just wanted to compliment you on the sweet new menu...

2 Comments | Perm-a-link | 4/8/2004

The Confession

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
"I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren," the old man began. "Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
"Are you sorry for your sins?" the Priest asks.
"What sins?" asked the old man.
"What kind of a Catholic are you?" demands the Priest.
"I'm Jewish," said the old man.
"Then why are you telling me all this?" asks the Priest.
"I'm telling everybody," replied the old man.

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 3/29/2004

Vote Democrat

YOU CAN BE A DEMOCRAT! - Virtually anyone can be a Democrat; just simply quit thinking and vote that way. But if you want to be a GOOD Democrat, there are some necessary prerequisites. Compare the list below and see how you rate.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U. S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, George Washington or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

VOTE DEMOCRATIC... It's easier than getting a job!

What They Said:

RantUser says Dave on 3/22/2004
RantUser says on 3/24/2004
LegoDoug says Randomness on 5/10/2004
Remember the pre-Regan election ads, "The Democrats Are Out of Gas"?
:: sigh ::
<a href="http://www.townhall.com/columnists/georgewill/gw20040215.shtml">George Will: A Few Questions for John Kerry</a>

3 Comments | Perm-a-link | 3/19/2004

Marriage

I've been working on a quite lenghty post regarding the idea of non-traditional marriages.

Then I stumbled upon some striking numbers.
Average Teachers Salary in MA: $50,177
Average Nurses Salary in MA: $50,448
Police Officer: $46,343
Firefighter: $38,642

How much money have we wasted talking, writing, yelling, arguing about non-traditional marriages.

Honestly, where are our priorities?

60 Degrees!

60 Degrees today... I'll be working out on the deck before I know it. I could really do without the mud though.

Theives

Thieves steal historic locomotive, sell it for scrap metal. Authorities say culprits must have been well trained since they left no tracks.

0 Comments | Perm-a-link | 3/1/2004

Technology

So NASA can get pictures from Mars which is about 48,466,952 miles away from earth, so why doesn't my cell phone work in my house? Why does it take 4 days to get a voicemail message? Can you hear me now?

Oh.. and if you didn't click on the link above for the picture, here it is again. It's pretty amazing what they found.

Globalization

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, Using Brazilian medicines. This is sent to you by an American, using Bill Gates's technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladesh workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
That, my friends, is Globalization.

Puppy!

There is a new puppy in the house.. more pictures are coming, you'll just have to look at the whole litter for a little bit..mmmkay?

What They Said:

The Mgmt says QOTD on 2/5/2004
BBS, AliG & PJ says HAPPY 60th on 2/11/2004
Happy Birthday to Mom H/ Grammy

2 Comments | Perm-a-link | 2/4/2004

Unplanned Applause

I'll admit it.. I watched some of the State of The Union Address the other night. I did get a chuckle at one point though; I'm used to the apparently mandatory applause after every sentence (though whether they're applauding what was said, or the fact that he managed to get through one more sentence without stumbling, I'm not sure about). I was surprised when after mentioning that the Patriot Act expires in the near future, the Democratic portion of Congress interrupted Bush's speech at that point to start applauding.

Seeing Bush's annoyance as he turned toward the applauding people and shook his head ("No, no, that's not where you're supposed to clap! You missed your cue!") was priceless.

How to lose subscribers

LONDON (AP) - Britain's biggest-selling hiking magazine apologized Wednesday after its latest issue contained a route that would lead climbers off the edge of a cliff on Britain's tallest peak.

The February edition of Trail magazine gives advice on making a safe descent for hikers caught in bad weather on Ben Nevis in Scotland.

But the magazine's directions would instead lead readers off the north face of the 4,406-foot mountain, which is notorious for its changeable weather and has claimed the lives of several climbers.

What They Said:

enevi says update? on 1/29/2004
a new pup, and no cake updates? and ads on the response page! w00t!

1 Comments | Perm-a-link | 1/22/2004

cccccccccCold!

School was closed today. No, it's not snowing, or icy on the roads or anything. It's just cold. They closed schools today because it's cold? Yeah, I know it's because they're worried about kids walking to school, or waiting for the bus - but the parent that will let their kid walk to school in -12 degree weather, will probably let their kid "play outside" today when they're home. Shutting the schools down won't make the parents be more aware.

On the news last night they grabbed a parent for a quote: "Closing the schools down because it's cold?! That's crazy! We're making our kids soft!" She was from Minnesota were it is currently 27 �F. But she makes a good point. We don't get the day off from work because it's cold. What are we REALLY teaching them? Dress like an idiot and you get days off?! These same idiot kids (and parents for that matter) will be complaining that they are still in school the last week of June and it's SOOOO HOT!

Temperature Conversion Chart

60�F - Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in New England sunbathe.
50�F - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. People in New England plant gardens.
40�F - Italian & English cars won't start. People in New England drive with the windows down.
32�F - Distilled water freezes. Maine's Moose Head Lake's water gets thicker.
20�F - Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.
15�F - New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.
0�F - All the people in Miami die. New Englanders close the windows.
-10�F - Californians fly away to Mexico. The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door.
-25�F - Hollywood disintegrates. People in New England get out their winter coats.
-40�F - Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.
Fun Fact: -40�F and -40�C are the same temperature

What They Said:

RantUser says lunch on 1/20/2004
Doug says It�s all fun until someone loses a digit ... on 1/20/2004
RantUser says lunch on 1/20/2004
ENevi says ScrumpCam on 1/21/2004
fyi: the beloved scrump cam is back up (http://scrumpcam.thenevs.com). ding!

4 Comments | Perm-a-link | 1/16/2004

Sound like anyone you know?

Free Expression.
When someone uses the phrases "free expression" it is actually invoked to shut you up. To these people, "free expression" is their right to offend, insult, and abuse you and your values as much as they like. But when you criticize them, this is known as "censorship."

If I had a billion...

The next time you hear a politician use the words �billion� casually, think about whether you want that politician spending your tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases:

A billion seconds ago, it was 1959.

A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive.

A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate Washington spends it.

Ripped bulk and wholesale from Doug.

What They Said:

Doug says I�m flattered! on 1/19/2004
Usually I just rip stuff off from Bryan’s BLOG. ;)

1 Comments | Perm-a-link | 1/14/2004